Words That Haunt

Lying in bed

Hand resting on my forehead

My eyes look towards the ceiling

Another night taken by the words that haunt

Sit up and face the clock

Blinded by the light it beacons

I make out a one, three and eight

“So much to do tomorrow, get to sleep.”

Knowing it’s hopeless

Push myself to my feet

Stagger to the living room

“Why are you even contemplating that?”

Taking every ounce of my being to stay quiet

But desperately want to make some noise

Just to drown out the thoughts flying through my head

“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

Assume my post on the couch

I’ve been stationed here for the past month

Unable to sleep, I watch as the traffic light goes from red to green

“You are alone.”

The words begin to get to me

I feel the tears trying to breakthrough

One falls

“Now you’re crying?”

The ones that chip away at me

I have no idea where they came from

Yet they persist, taking pieces of my fortress with them

“Do you ever feel like you’ve become the worst version of yourself?”

Was it in a song I listened to on the radio

Was it a show I watched this week

Was it in a conversation I heard in passing

“Just something else you can’t figure out in life.”

Exhausted from the fight I have put up, I head back to bed

One more weapon in my arsenal

Put headphones on, press play and drift to sleep

“These times are hard, but they will pass.”

(I had every intention of continuing last weeks post, however it is showing to be a little more challenging than I had anticipated. But there is progress being made so hopefully within the next two weeks I will have that up.)

"What I've Learned In College Thus Far..." Written on February 05, 2009

Lately, I haven't been sleeping well just laying in bed thinking back on the last four years. Last night I stumbled upon a Facebook note I had written during the second semester of my freshman year. With that said, I present to you "What I've Learned In College Thus Far..." by Christine on Thursday, February 05, 2009 (sorry for the profanity):

• puddle jumping is fun again
• dresser dancing is quite entertaining
• when the lofts a rockin don't come a knockin
• if you are going to make a random target/walmart run, don't bring any money
• with that said...target has a lot of cow related items (plates, umbrellas, cups, etc.)
• when it comes to getting up in the morning, the cell phone works better
• when making videos be aware of your surroundings
• window screens do not slide up, they just pop out, and they are hard to get back in
• delofting a bed is harder than it sounds
• never share songs with your roommate unless you are prepared to hear them sing it over and over again
• facebook is not your friend
• a caffine addiction can happen really fast
• i have really bad aim
• people observing during lunch and dinner is fascinating
• if you are going to creep on people, be prepared for karma to have people creep on you
• visors that are worn with the bill down is serious and bill up is party...kinda like a mullet
• i guess i make weird noises when i sleep
• late night talks are the best
• cosmo is a great source for bed time stories
• iowa state's campus is so gorgeous that it makes you never want to leave
• i get distracted way to easily
• laughter is the best medicine for any ailment
• comedians have the best job in the world
• just when you think you are alone, you're not
• journaling is a great way to get things off your chest
• the hall director of my building is going bald and has a very annoying, yipping dog
• getting caught red handed is fun if it is because you just painted your window
• if i want to watch an old movie i have to play it on my laptop up in my loft
• if i wake up when the sun is coming up and go back to sleep, i have some pretty crazy dreams
• the confrence room is a great place to escape to
• a loft ladder is not really necessary, but only trained professionals should do it
• if you are in a funky mood nothing beats a shower and laying up in your loft listening to your ipod
• caribou coffee is the shit
• even though i have been going around campus for almost a year, i still get lost
• the campanile is always a minute fast and goes off way to often
• if it snows 8 inches with a sheet of ice underneath, classes will still be held also with -25 degree temps
• it sucks being alone on the weekend
• it's a gift if i get to wake up after the sun has risen
• the buildings here are totally confusing
• think before you speak or it could come out as a jumbled mess
• safety goggles are a great accessory to any outfit
• gilman 1002 will always be jam packed full of great memories..."did you see his ass!"
• the more random the better for me
• i can get lost in music very easily
• when i get bored i tend to do random things to make people laugh
• without great roommates the transition from home to college would be impossible
• cheaply made jewlery is the best thing out there
• bandies really know how to have fun
• if you don't have a vehicle you better get use to the bus
• eight o'clock in the morning is way to early to be talking about animal reproduction
• nothing beats a long walk at 7:30 a.m.
• to get around to classes requires good tennis shoes
• lysol, chlorox wipes, and hand sanitizer are a necessity here
• the best time to eat is when you can find a table
• you gain a whole new family when you go to college
• justine's mom is the best baker i know
• sara's mom is one of the sweetest people i know
• nothing is better than getting mail
• post-it notes are a way of life
• the sink area is basically a tunnel where you can't hear anything
• it's always best to shut the blinds before changing
• the showers here are the best
• there is a lot of things that you have to print off
• walking alone at night is kind of scary
• using the wrong kind of light bulb can be dangerous
• doing the splits across two ladders is quite painful
• the best pedicures are at walmart
• massage chairs that poke your butt are a little awkward
• thank god for skype
• i really need a lot more free text messages
• the guys that live above us really like to use their bass system
• multiple nicknames for someone is necessary to keep things under wraps...mustang doesn't always mean a type of car ;)
• if you are going to ride on a trailor behind a tractor make sure to sit towards the back or get sprayed with what you hope is dirt
• some of the best people you will meet are the ones that randomly come up to you at breakfast and ask to sit with you
• no matter what happens my mom will always be there to help and support me
• some nights you just feel like a chuckwagon, combos, and a powerade
• the best adventures happen when you get on the wrong bus
• i learned that my movie collection is quite small
• uno tournaments...'nough said
• always be proactive
• there are "lions" on the prowel
• one beverage i should just ignore is lemonade...sugar high = off the walls
• so many christmas songs are naughty
• some of the best music you hear is by accident
• blow dryers are the best way to de-ice your window
• scrapbooking nights, though few and far between, will always be special to me
• if you snore be prepared to get a pillow thrown at you
• the stairwells are very violent and hurt you everytime you go in there
• look before you leap or you could get hurt
• the mall has the best baseball caps...go gamecocks
• it's never a good idea to throw a bouncy ball down the aisle of walmart but it's too much fun not to try
• the birds here are insane and out to get me
• the hinges in the bathroom rust fairly easily...cheap
• it is "illegal" to steel food and drinks unless noted otherwise
• that said if you do try to steal make sure to avoid those with ear pieces it's like the secret service for the food
• you learn to love the sound of the train going by yet have never seen it
• before you sit down always check for suspicious looking stains
• acting out songs is always fun...i got mad skills
• i develop a slight case of OCD
• i have a "brother from another mother" also known as justine's boyfriend, mitchell
• grey's anatomy is nothing compared to house...but i still like it
• if you see a guy walking by outside, open your window ask their name and have them turn around
• i'm not the only one that knows all the words to baby got back and numerous other songs
• pigs will find anyway to escape even if that means going between your legs
• i'd rather see the downstairs bouncing than the upstairs
• a cow umbrella is the only way to go if it rains
• spring break is best spent in Arizona with the girls!!
• VEISHEA = lots of memories, what a great weekend!
• don't bang on the windows of the conference room unless you are ready to deal with the repercussions later
• having sleepovers is essential
• dinner at clyde's is how we met channing look-a-like and became the laughing girls
• eaton needs to replace that bottom dryer...especailly since it started smoking the last time it broke down
• people aren't always who you thought they would be
• we all make mistakes...the trick is to learn from them
• kicking bio's ass is the most amazing feeling in the world
• you meet a lot of interesting characters and with that you take a little piece of them with you
• i'm quite the procrastinator
• my philosophy professor makes some of the best cookies i know (banana bread+chocolate chips= one amazing cookie)
• this is the cubbies year...i can feel it
• espn.com is my hero when i miss the cubs game
• my roomie is abusive towards me :)
• futon bars=uncomfortable
• a "bite and suck" is an essential bottle to have
• i've probably watched step-up/she's the man a hundred so times now
• my bio lab ta is probably the best one out there
• "hello, my name is hannah, i'm from wartburg, and i like to party!"
• Andy Samberg is karah's future husband (I lost at "andy burns")
• aviators are going to be our signature when we remake "i'm on a boat" this summer
• "i'm the doug of our relationship!! I have the glasses, the awkwardness, the cellphone, and the creeping down...OMG!!"
• late night conference room pow-wows are boss
• without snl my life would be incomplete...my life's ambition=to get on that show
• i suck at playing frisbee
• grass fights are fun
• a blanket helps to keep bugs away when on central campus, but doesn't help all the time
• be prepared for awkward encounters with random people
• although most people don't like it here, country music still speaks to me

Reading this list I laugh, I cry, I say "wow...." So many fond memories of that year. I think it's time to do another one.....

until next week!

Weaknesses

Everybody has a weakness, heck even Superman does! Nobody is perfect and it's all apart of what makes us human.

I, myself, have quite a few "weaknesses" and will be the first to acknowledge them:

• Some comments people make towards me I let get under my skin.
• I have low self-esteem/confidence; Always have and always will, but with age I begin to feel more sure of myself. 
• I am "socially awkward" in the sense that I am very shy and take a while to warm up to people.
• I have problems trusting people and letting people in.

And I could go on. These weaknesses are just a part of what makes me, me and I'm okay with that. Do you want to know why? It's because I know that if I just keep working at them they won't be as "crippling" as they once were. 

(So my message to you, Past, Present & Future Christine, is don't let these weaknesses consume you and define you as a person. There is so much more to you than these characteristics alone. And if anyone uses these in a way to hurt you, just put on that smile and remember how far you have come.)

Trouble Maker

In Micro Lab we had to swab two locations so we can determine what bacteria is growing there. I had chosen a keyboard in my favorite on-campus computer lab and my toothbrush. Once we had the swab, we had to put them in a test tube with nutrient broth so the little guys would grow. (By the next day, both tubes were turbid).

After the tubes got cloudy we then had to isolate the bacteria so there were individual colonies to work with. This was done with streak plating, and needless to say I will be an expert on isolating by the end with how many plates we have to do.

Once isolated, we could begin running tests which is where I am now. I have ran numerous tests and each time I always seem to make things "complicated." So much so my lab professor and TA have dubbed me "trouble maker." They are joking of course but let me share with you my most recent episode:

Last night, I went into the lab at 5:00 p.m. to start an oxidation fermentation test that will take 4 days. So far that one is okay but it's only been a day. Anyway, while I was in the lab to do the OF test I decided to do an endospore stain since I was already there. In case you don't know, some bacteria produce and release spores when their environment changes and they feel stressed. These spores are tough little buggers and make it so even if the "original" bacteria die, the spores can then go on to become new bacteria. When staining for endospores you need to boil some water in a beaker and then stain the slide over that, keeping it soaked in dye, for 10-15 minutes. It's really not that difficult and I did everything I was suppose to. However, the lab was closing as I was wrapping up and didn't have time to look at it under the microscope.

Which brings us back to today. After I walked into the lab, I went right for the microscope and began my search. All I wanted was to find some green dots in a sea of pink lines, but no such luck. But wait what's this? That looks green! And there's another! But that's it? I was thinking I might have to run the test again, but I called the TA over to see if those two little green dots were enough to call this positive for endospore formation.

He takes a look and is taking a long time...(crap, I'm going to have to do this again aren't I). What feels like forever passes and he emerges back from the microscope and says, "Those look like spores but let's ask Rob."

Ugh, here we go. Rob would be the professor by the way. He is awesome and is probably one of the best professors I've had while at ISU. But I always feel bad that I have to ask for his help all the time. He's great about it though, unlike some I've had which would have told me off by now, he just wants to help.

"I was hoping you weren't going to be here today, you always find a way to challenge me," he says with a smile.

"I know I'm sorry, I always seem to make trouble around here," I say heavy on the sarcasm. "I would be sick of me too."

He just laughs, "So what do we got?"

Brennan, the TA and I go on and tell him about how old the specimen was, how long I did the stain and that we only found a few green spores. "Hmmmm," he says. That always makes me nervous. I watch him as he scans the slide: left, right, up, down. After a few moments he pops up and tells Brennan to take a look by the pointer. "Mmmhhhmmm," did we forget how to use words now? Like the nerd I am I blurt out, "WHAT?"

Brennan moves and I take a look. Sure enough there's another spore, and another, and another. YAY!

You see, I really am a "trouble maker."