April 24, 2012

Words That Haunt

Lying in bed
Hand resting on my forehead
My eyes look towards the ceiling
Another night taken by the words that haunt

Sit up and face the clock
Blinded by the light it beacons
I make out a one, three and eight
“So much to do tomorrow, get to sleep.”

Knowing it’s hopeless
Push myself to my feet
Stagger to the living room
“Why are you even contemplating that?”

Taking every ounce of my being to stay quiet
But desperately want to make some noise
Just to drown out the thoughts flying through my head
“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

Assume my post on the couch
I’ve been stationed here for the past month
Unable to sleep, I watch as the traffic light goes from red to green
“You are alone.”

The words begin to get to me
I feel the tears trying to breakthrough
One falls
“Now you’re crying?”

The ones that chip away at me
I have no idea where they came from
Yet they persist, taking pieces of my fortress with them
“Do you ever feel like you’ve become the worst version of yourself?”

Was it in a song I listened to on the radio
Was it a show I watched this week
Was it in a conversation I heard in passing
“Just something else you can’t figure out in life.”

Exhausted from the fight I have put up, I head back to bed
One more weapon in my arsenal
Put headphones on, press play and drift to sleep
“These times are hard, but they will pass.”

(I had every intention of continuing last weeks post, however it is showing to be a little more challenging than I had anticipated. But there is progress being made so hopefully within the next two weeks I will have that up.)